Things are looking up, It must be all of that fresh snow Vancouver had over the weekend. Along with the wonderful whiteness comes a sense of quiet and calm.

A few favorite things over the past few weeks:

  • Receiving Letters
  • Family SKYPE dates
  • Watching my sister go through an incredibly tough time with grace, dignity and clarity. My god I miss you!
  • Friends who have good news
  • Trip planning
  • New Friends who you just LOVE instantly
  • Listening to Katy Perry’s ‘Firework’ – if you’re having a shitty day, LISTEN to it. Katy, you’re so bloody brilliant
  • People you can rely on who offer help and advice when you feel completely lost
  • My friend Sam. Just…thank you
  • Long conversations with my Grandparents on snowy Sunday afternoons and realising  just how similar we are.
  • My Grandma showing me off to all of her friends at Church
  • Doing things purely for love – yes, I actually went to Church!
  • Fresh snow
  • Going to Ice Hockey games
  • Possible hangout’s with boys
  • Collecting pictures and ideas for my dream home – for when I become a grown up
  • TREEHOUSES (totally and completely obsessed)

Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse, the best!!

Aren’t they lovely!

Love Jecca xx

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It had just been one of those shitty weeks. Everything absolutely sucked. YOU know what I’m talking about, you wake up all pissy and sad, and cannot do anything to pull yourself out of the gigantic black hole that you feel half consumed by.

I was struggling the most because I’m supposed to be loving life, I’m traveling and experiencing wonderful things. Unfortunately the reality is when you travel you still have moments of sadness or whatever, because guess what? You are traveling with YOU. You are the exact same person you have always been –  Just because you’re on a different continent doesn’t mean you’re a different person!

When things get this bad for me normally I take stock of what the problem is, give myself a decent pep talk, get some perspective and then rationality comes back and things go back to normal.

Not this time, Oh how I tried! Tried with all my might, but this was a biggie, I think I spent the entire week hanging onto the ledge by my fingernails, hoping to god I would eventually get the strength to pull myself back up.  

Well I did, and the clouds have cleared and I can see past the black dots now.

 Now,  it’s not like I have depression or anything, I’m not medicated, but about once a year this strange depression thing happens, and I think it’s a good thing. It’s a good thing because then I know I’m present and feeling something, keeping myself in check. I refuse to be on autopilot like a lot of people. My biggest fear is to wake up when I’m 35 and realise that I’ve been drifting through this life, showering, eating, working, sleeping and wondering where the fuck the last 10 years went…how awful and sad.

So, I’ve sort of realised that while there are things/people who may disappoint and anger you, let it be a lesson in how you want to live your life/ want your life to look like. Rise above it, feel what you need to feel because that is great, but always try to keep yourself in check, keep challenging and changing, because that is the only way that we really can learn anything at all.

And to my Godmother, on my darkest day, these few sentences saved me:

“Always there will be lows after highs, maybe think of it as a re-grouping bit of resting before the next adventure. If you let it get to you…it will be ten times the problem, and it is life that some people will always behave under the line of accepted behavior. No matter what you do. But let it be their failing and not your worry. I know just how hard this is, and how alone the situation can be. You will be gone to the next city and next bit of life before you know it.” – My Fairy Godmother

Oh! And of course, if your feeling that wretched, TALK to someone about it, it really really really does help. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Hang in there my darlings

Jecca xx

So I had been thinking about Mr. Swooney a lot. I had seen him recently and he made my stomach go all wriggly, to be honest I was surprised! I’m trying to stay free and unattached. My travel plans change rapidly and I’m all over the place, so I try to keep things simple. 

But honestly, if I meet the right guy, I could easily change my plans.  

So for the first time in my life I took a shot, leapt off the edge, went for it, took the plunge, put myself out there. And all of those bold and brave things.

I sent him a cute and witty message, it was to the point and no pressure. I basically said I thought he was a great guy and I liked hanging out with him, that I was interested and bla bla bla.

It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t heard a thing.

Not a peep, Zip, Nien, Nada, Nothing.

Now, I do know he is painfully shy, so could this be it? Could my casual message still have freaked him out? Sent him packing never to be seen again? Is he now living in a shack in Timbuktu, hiding under the covers drinking whiskey? Who knows?! Maybe I never will.

And here is the worst part, the part ALL of you can relate to, I have INSTANTLY gone to the place of ‘he think’s I’m fat and ugly.’ My self-worth has plummeted. Instant self blame.

But I’m fighting this horrid natural inclination with everything I have. I just have to let it be, not over analyse and just trust that there is a reason why this didn’t work out (it better be a fucking good one)

I’m not going to be set back by this, I still have faith in Love/Lust/One night stands.

It was actually kinda cool putting myself out there, try it, I DARE you.

Better to know than be left wondering!

Jecc xx

I just turned 26, and it’s been exactly a year since the break up.

When I was younger I had some pretty cookie-cutter ideas about what 26 should look like.  Fortunatley my reality is quite different from my younger, idealistic fantasy. 

And you know what…

I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Lalalalalala

 Jecca xx

One of the brilliant things about being single and traveling is the people you meet, and the opinions they have on your life and your choice travel.

You get people who:

  • Are jealous (mostly young married dudes)
  • Think you are nuts “You really only have only ONE suitcase?”
  • Simply cannot understand why you would travel with no planned return ticket
  • Think you are brilliant/want to join you
  • Think you are a lazy bum who doesn’t know how to work and the purpose of traveling is to shirk any form of hard work/responsibility

And it’s even more amazing that they think you give a shit about what they have to say (well I do because I am a sicko people pleaser).

One particular conversation I had with a girl went like this:

Stupid girl: So, you are traveling?

Me: Yes

SG: Why?

Me: Because you gotta travel right? See the world, experience different cultures and places, be a bit scared in the world and learn to rely on only yourself! I Mean, imagine living in GREECE or, like, CROATIA, How cool would that be?! Living out of one suitcase and limiting the ‘stuff’ in your life and traveling wherever you like!

SG: OMG! You only have ONE suitcase? How do you manage that? How many pairs of heels do you have?

Me: I know, and believe me, I’m not normally the type of person to do this kind of stuff, but I was ready for a change and this is a fun challenge, it’s so nice not have loads of shit to haul about with you, life is very simple, and I have one fantastic pair of heels!

SG: I don’t know how you do it! Don’t you get lonely and miss your friends and family? Don’t you get sick of wearing the same stuff over and over again? Isn’t it tiring moving from place to place?

Me: Excuse me for a sec, I’m just going to go into the woods and shoot myself, I appreciate you highlighting all of the potential pitfalls of my journey, good-luck to your new marriage, tell your new husband thanks for pinching my ass!

People can be terrible Jerks can’t they?! This type of conversation had the potential to send me diving under my duvet and never coming back out, but I am slowly learning that I am made of tougher stuff than all that! Because it’s really only out of challenge and starting over that we learn and grow.

Don’t let other people sway what YOU want!

Jecc xx

Somewhere New

August 10, 2010

Hello my Darlings,

I’ve missed you!

How are you? Happy? Loving your life? Kissing someone? Tell me!

Well, I’m finally online, finally I can gather my thoughts a little and actually write something down. I will be writing more soon, but this is just a brief update/check-in!

It’s been a fantastic few weeks, the USA is treating me pretty well thus far – I’ve been staying at a lake with my family in Washington, its beautiful and amazing and I have an outside shower, it’s my favorite thing ever, I’ve always wanted one of those! I shower by Moonlight every night, how cool is that?!

I’ve been in full relax mode:

  • I have a nap everyday
  • Waterski every morning
  • Smile
  • Talk with my family
  • Cook with my Grandma
  • Smile
  • Take walks
  • Try not to be scared of the cougars that apparently live in the Forest across the road
  • Learn to drive the family boat (I can now officially pull a waterskier!)
  • Learning to drive on the other side of the road – turns out it’s not as hard as I originally thought!
  • Catching up with old dude friends, friends who surprise you by picking you up on a sailboat on your third day of vacation, introduce to totally awesome people, make you smile and look after you. These kinds of experiences are completely blowing my mind.
  • Walking home after being out at the bars and watching the sunrise over Seattle while laughing with people I just met a few hours earlier, but who I adore already.
  • Getting serious mileage and attention out of my accent
  • Kissing really gorgeous, strapping, tall, kind and lovely dudes who are so sweet and tickle your back until you fall asleep.

More to come on the last point I made there…giggle…swoon

Love Jecc xx

My darlings,

This will be my last post for a while, I’m not sure when I will next have the internet! I Hope soon though.

Don’t know where I will be or what I will be doing…oh em gee!

Ah! Can’t believe this is all happening, it’s so exciting!

Barely slept a wink last night, here are a few thoughts that passed through my head…

  • Be well
  • Have fun
  • Laugh until it hurts so much
  • Take risks
  • Jump right in
  • Hold on
  • Quit smoking – I did! It smells so bad!
  • Be open to whatever may happen
  • Kiss your Boyfriend/Girlfriend
  • Travel
  • Look in the Mirror, really look
  • Appreciate just how amazing your friends are, do you know how lucky you are to have people like that in your life?! VERY lucky!
  • Keep your passport safe, apparently identity theft is RIFE!
  • If your don’t have a passport then get one, right now! How are you supposed to come and visit me if you don’t have one?
  • Eclipse was OK, Rob is still a total baberoo!
  • Remember Me is the crappiest movie I’ve seen in ages. 9/11? Really? You just had to go there didn’t you? For fucks sake, what a BORE!
  • I’m not saying 9/11 was a bore, I’m saying the movie was! Jeeez relax!
  • Smile
  • Love yourself, you’re actually pretty damn cool/babe-ish!

Until next time…

Jecc xx

Spinning

June 28, 2010

Yes, I have been hiding.

Hiding from myself and the world.

I feel like time has sped up, my head is spinning.

Spinning.

I haven’t felt like writing, don’t know what I want to write so I’m just going to type and see where this goes…stick with me now my darlings.

Mr. Argentina and his friends left last week and I was so sad, even though I tried to be tough.

He held me and wiped away my tears, just like in the movies, he told me I was amazing and that he would miss me too, but that we would see each other again sometime in the near future. I believe him.

I’m much better now, but I am really missing them still, missing his company, but I will be just fine, I’ve already lived through bad things and know that this is just a sad few days.

You might be thinking I’m being dramatic, that I should just toughen up and get on with it, but you don’t understand, I fall in love with people VERY easily. Not boys in particular, but People. I could fall for a girl in 5 minutes and be best friends with her for the rest of my life. That’s how easily I fall, and there is nothing wrong with that, it’s just me. I trust somebody right from the beginning, give them everything and then if they fuck it up, then I back away, I start with high expectations and then hope for the best. Am I naive? Yes probably, but I think it’s nice not to be so fucking guarded, everyone is guarded these days, playing games and being cruel. Just be nice, expect the best from people and most of the time that is what you will get, you generally get back what you perpetuate. Call it Karma, call it whatevs, I don’t care, just don’t be so guarded. Yes, you might get hurt, but guess what? You will survive! Amazing isn’t it? Have a little faith in yourself and your capabilities, you might be pleasantly surprised (or massively disappointed, sorry if you are!)

I’ve also observed some weird things in the last few weeks, things which have made me question people’s happiness. From what I’ve seen unhappiness can manifest in weird ways and can result in very odd behavior, unhappiness can turn you into someone you’re NOT.

If you are unhappy then do something about it, and quickly…before you turn up to work one day with a shotgun hidden down your bra/pants.

I’m going to try to stop spinning now, I’ve indulged myself for a few days but that’s quite enough.

Be happy my dears

Jecc xx

Sucker Love

May 10, 2010

I’ve had a bit of an epiphany, I think.

Goes like this:

Just because someone acts like they like you/they actually DO like you it doesn’t mean you have to like them back. Just because you’re getting a little bit of attention doesn’t mean that you should make yourself like them, you are way better than that. I mean, if they are cute/awesome then totally HIT that, but if you’ve never thought about them in that way before now, then it probably isn’t the time to start, or is it? Is the light-bulb switching on? Could you love this person or are you just flattered by the attention? I dunno man, I don’t have the answers, just many many questions!

I was talking with Mr. Argentina last night and it was great, getting to know each other a little beyond wild make-out sessions. I told him a little of my break-up history, why I’m here back at home…bla bla, for the record, Mr. Argentina thinks he is a fecking idiot, haha take that!

Anyways, I digress. Mr. Argentina told me a little of his breakup, why he is here, how he ended up here, and he explained that he didn’t know what he had lost until he lost the girl, he said he did some crazy shit to get her back, even though he didn’t love her, it was the rejection he couldn’t stand.

BING!!! Light-bulb moment.

One hell of a lightbulb moment?

It’s the rejection that drives many of us! Really think about it – do you actually like them/love them, or are you just afraid of the rejection, because it will make you do crazy shiz yo yo! Rejection makes you want that validation, makes you search for that validation, and for what? To get someone’s attention you don’t really care about!

Of course I’m not referring to those in happy secure relationships, I’m sure you guys are driven by love, or fear or whatevs…but to those of you who are single and meeting new potential partners, be objective, and if you want to, JUST SAY NO!

Lightbulb xx

Migration

April 21, 2010

It’s getting colder and I have Migration on my mind.

I have the morning off work and I’m finding it hard to get out of bed, I’m watching the world go by outside my window – it’s nice and warm in my room and my laptop is keeping my legs warm.

I wish I was a lamp so I could join these guys and Migrate like this:

By: Rune Guneriussen

Stay warm darlings!

Jecc xx