It had just been one of those shitty weeks. Everything absolutely sucked. YOU know what I’m talking about, you wake up all pissy and sad, and cannot do anything to pull yourself out of the gigantic black hole that you feel half consumed by.

I was struggling the most because I’m supposed to be loving life, I’m traveling and experiencing wonderful things. Unfortunately the reality is when you travel you still have moments of sadness or whatever, because guess what? You are traveling with YOU. You are the exact same person you have always been –  Just because you’re on a different continent doesn’t mean you’re a different person!

When things get this bad for me normally I take stock of what the problem is, give myself a decent pep talk, get some perspective and then rationality comes back and things go back to normal.

Not this time, Oh how I tried! Tried with all my might, but this was a biggie, I think I spent the entire week hanging onto the ledge by my fingernails, hoping to god I would eventually get the strength to pull myself back up.  

Well I did, and the clouds have cleared and I can see past the black dots now.

 Now,  it’s not like I have depression or anything, I’m not medicated, but about once a year this strange depression thing happens, and I think it’s a good thing. It’s a good thing because then I know I’m present and feeling something, keeping myself in check. I refuse to be on autopilot like a lot of people. My biggest fear is to wake up when I’m 35 and realise that I’ve been drifting through this life, showering, eating, working, sleeping and wondering where the fuck the last 10 years went…how awful and sad.

So, I’ve sort of realised that while there are things/people who may disappoint and anger you, let it be a lesson in how you want to live your life/ want your life to look like. Rise above it, feel what you need to feel because that is great, but always try to keep yourself in check, keep challenging and changing, because that is the only way that we really can learn anything at all.

And to my Godmother, on my darkest day, these few sentences saved me:

“Always there will be lows after highs, maybe think of it as a re-grouping bit of resting before the next adventure. If you let it get to you…it will be ten times the problem, and it is life that some people will always behave under the line of accepted behavior. No matter what you do. But let it be their failing and not your worry. I know just how hard this is, and how alone the situation can be. You will be gone to the next city and next bit of life before you know it.” – My Fairy Godmother

Oh! And of course, if your feeling that wretched, TALK to someone about it, it really really really does help. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Hang in there my darlings

Jecca xx

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I was having a rough couple of days:

  • I was stressing about moving away
  • Feeling depressed and overwhelmed about moving away when I should have been excited
  • I had a fight with a good friend and now he won’t return my calls
  • My little Brother (who I adore unconditionally) flaked on me and wasn’t coming home to say goodbye to me, Like any 19-year-old male he chose to stay away and party with his buddies. I was absolutely crushed. Crushed!

And then my little brother he walked through the front door last night.

And he made my day/year.

I clung to him and cried like a baby, I was so happy, overwhelmed, and shocked that my family had managed to pull a fast one on me!

Family will save your life and make it all better.

I love you so much

Jecc xx

Cry, Baby

October 28, 2009

I hadn’t cried for 5 days. 5 whole days without crying, Progress? Yes P-lease!

tears

The unfortunate thing is that in order to not cry, I have to either A) stay super busy or B) watch TV and allow my mind be pointed in another direction (My mind wanders too easily with books, which sucks because I LOVE reading)

Here a few pointers for avoiding the crying (and just generally moving on)
1. Don’t listen to the music you used to listen to together, let yourself feel better before you do that. I haven’t been able to listen to the Killers or Death Cab, and I won’t be listening to them for a LONG time.

2. Get obsessed with a new TV show/Movie/Book, make sure it has a really hot boy/girl in it, at least you will have someone else to think about/daydream about – because lets be realistic, it is always so nice to have somebody to think about, even if they are a Vampire…oh yes, I went there.

3. Get into a new band/start listening to different music – get yourself out of your ‘music rut.’ I recently went and saw (500) Days of Summer and am obsessed with the soundtrack (The Temper Trap, squeal!) believe me, it is SO nice not to have memories of him/her attached to the music. And as silly as this may sound, you will have something all of your own – new memories.

4. Don’t over eat.

5. Stay surrounded by great friends, let yourself talk about it. I would not have survived if it wasn’t for the daily texts, phone calls  and emails asking simply “how are you today?” It means the world, possibly more.

6. Avoid too much alcohol (Well, so they say. I prefer to not listen this advice)

7. If you are having trouble sleeping, chamomile tea is helpful and so are sleeping pills, because realistically, you probably still need to work and function as a normal human being – this can’t be done without sleep.

8. Look after yourself – within 2 days of my breakup I had cut off my hair, had a massage and a facial.  I looked great (even If I barely remember getting my hair cut and then freaking out afterwards…Vodka for Breakfast is a BAD idea) But I love my hair now.

9. Lean on your family. My family helped more than they will know, thanks for the hugs and sleeping pills Mum, thanks for the words of advice Dad, Buzz, you did so well for an 18 year old, thanks for letting me soak you shoulder in tears.  Chloe, you know already, but you are my sunshine.

10. Don’t say anything you will regret, no one likes the crazy ex, everyone loves the calm and mature ex – and this makes him/her look like an even bigger asshole, because you look so per-fect. Note: this will probably only work if he/she fucked it up, not you!