There Goes Your Fear, Let It Go

October 8, 2010

So I had been thinking about Mr. Swooney a lot. I had seen him recently and he made my stomach go all wriggly, to be honest I was surprised! I’m trying to stay free and unattached. My travel plans change rapidly and I’m all over the place, so I try to keep things simple. 

But honestly, if I meet the right guy, I could easily change my plans.  

So for the first time in my life I took a shot, leapt off the edge, went for it, took the plunge, put myself out there. And all of those bold and brave things.

I sent him a cute and witty message, it was to the point and no pressure. I basically said I thought he was a great guy and I liked hanging out with him, that I was interested and bla bla bla.

It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t heard a thing.

Not a peep, Zip, Nien, Nada, Nothing.

Now, I do know he is painfully shy, so could this be it? Could my casual message still have freaked him out? Sent him packing never to be seen again? Is he now living in a shack in Timbuktu, hiding under the covers drinking whiskey? Who knows?! Maybe I never will.

And here is the worst part, the part ALL of you can relate to, I have INSTANTLY gone to the place of ‘he think’s I’m fat and ugly.’ My self-worth has plummeted. Instant self blame.

But I’m fighting this horrid natural inclination with everything I have. I just have to let it be, not over analyse and just trust that there is a reason why this didn’t work out (it better be a fucking good one)

I’m not going to be set back by this, I still have faith in Love/Lust/One night stands.

It was actually kinda cool putting myself out there, try it, I DARE you.

Better to know than be left wondering!

Jecc xx


2 Responses to “There Goes Your Fear, Let It Go”

  1. Jasper Says:

    YOUR AMAZING!!!!!!!!!!! Dont you ever let anyone make you feel any different! You will always be in the light. xxxxx

  2. Ah, the proverbial ‘no reply’. Honey, I feel your inner questions. All I can say is read, He’s Just Not That In To You’. A funnly look at why we don’t get replies and things like that. But kudos (I hate that word, but it’s all I have) to you for taking that leap and putting yourself out there. If not, you would always wonder ‘what if’.

    I can totally empathize and I applaud you not letting it get to you, even if it gets to you. We’ve all been there, some more than others, though I am not that catagory. But I know.

    As Dory says in Finding Nemo: Just keep swimming, just keep swimming….

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