Forgetful Me

October 20, 2011

You consumed me completely. It was a fun summer, we spent most of the time sleeping, going out at night and driving around singing to very loud music in your car. We barely spent a day apart and you were always there. Honestly, it annoyed me sometimes – I need time to myself, but you never understood that about me, you never understood a lot about me which I loved and hated equally. We got very close very quickly and nothing was as fun when you weren’t there. You were the first person I wanted to call when anything happened – good or bad. You still are. It was your opinion I craved, you were sensible and driven, but tough. If a compliment came from you it was genuine and to be trusted. I adored that about you. We were like a tiny family, looking out for each other, supporting each other in any way we could.  You were protective over me, driving me around so I wouldn’t be harassed on the bus and scaring away the weirdo’s at the bar. A man has never been that protective over me before and I loved it. You were so safe, took the pressure off a little and allowed me to relax so you could carry some of the weight. You recognized immediately that I was here alone, and was exhausted from not having any back up, so you swooped right in. You were just in time darling.

Somehow you became my central focus and I was mad that I allowed myself to rely on you. I didn’t realise how lonely I was until you.

And yes, I got frustrated when you stayed over days at a time because you messed up my bathroom and slept late. I forgot how it was to live with a boy again – but there was something so intimate about brushing our teeth together, sharing a sink, talking in the shower and falling asleep with you. I loved all of those things. I forgot all of those things.

I’m sad you made me remember because you are gone and you have left a giant hole in my life and I just fucking hate standing at my sink alone.