So you walk around doing nothing but your best. Being kind, working hard, playing by the rules, loving openly without restrictions and just generally trying to keep everything above water. But sometimes, despite your best efforts people will treat you like shit; they will demean you and act below the line of acceptable behavior.

Before you go off and blame yourself  just remember: some people are just miserable bastards. They just are, and there is nothing you can do about it. Don’t lower yourself to their level. Tell yourself you are loved, remind yourself it’s their problem and not yours and move on! Tomorrow is a new day!

And you know what? Take pity on that miserable bastard, because no matter what they won’t be satisfied with anything. You stop to smell the roses and know what genuine happiness is. So hold onto that, you are already 10 steps ahead!

And I know sometimes it’s hard, and it hurts, but please, don’t ever let the miserable bastards get you down!

Love Jecca xx

 

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  • There is absolutely no point flogging a dead horse. If it’s over, it’s over.
  • Hey newly single peeps, just FYI not everyone is going to want to fuck you – beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don’t let this ruin your self-esteem!
  • I’ve always thought Judgmental people were horrible, until this weekend when I was put in an awkward spot and had to go ahead and judge my little heart out. I was feeling awful about it until a friend simply pointed out that sometimes it’s our judgements that save us. Lightbulb!
  • Kiss until your lips bleed
  • Be wary of people who use the term ‘nice guys finish last’
  • Think about all the things you would do if you weren’t afraid.
  • Do you look at the other people in photo besides yourself?
  • You might think he’s hot, but you certainly can’t force chemistry.
  • No-one wants to hear about the dream you had last night unless it involves them!
  • Crying is the side-effect of an emotion, not a tool for manipulation.
  • Keep the PDA to a minimum
  • Think about who you would die for, then tell them – sometimes people don’t understand how special they are.
  • The truth will set you free, or destroy you.
  • If a dude you like smells like hairspray, run.

X Marks The Spot?

February 26, 2011

Hi darlings!

Well, I’m back in LA and have been for about 2 months now. I’m looking for work and looking to establish a life here, major changes, but it’s great!

I’m on the job hunt and its positive but also getting pretty grueling. I’m all over the show, interviewing, trialling, smiling and selling myself like some awful Willy Loman type (for the record, I’m not a fan of sales people – the ghastly kind anyway)  I’m exhausted. I’ve not slept properly in 2 weeks, I just need to relax, but I stay up until 5am running through every possible scenario in my head until my brain begins to steam! I am so hard on myself it’s unbelievable. I am 100% terrified of making the wrong decision and setting my life on the wrong course, well, I swing between that and trusting the universe and letting the master plan happen organically. Do I sound completely insane to you? Don’t answer that…I know already.

And here’s the really crazy part, one particular job I’ve been trailing for is  close to perfect. Loads of travel, great perks and the financial side is great…but there are a few things that I don’t like and would have to make concessions for, quite big concessions actually, like my LIFE and free time. So now I’m questioning this option too, even though I have been begging the universe for this sort of opportunity. Believe me, I’m not afraid of hard work, and I’m not lazy, I guess I’m just making sure I’ve got every angle figured out.

Also, it’s proving difficult to meet people in LA,  I’m the type who will talk to anyone and love them immediately. I’ll offer my home, my life, my friends, my makeup, my car, whatever it is that will make that person’s life easier/make them feel loved. It just so happens this town isn’t used to that, don’t get me wrong, I’m meeting cool people…but then they are all so busy being cool and pretending to be SO important that the bullshit gets in the way of actually just getting on with the fucking job and having fun! But, in spite of this, I’ll continue to be kind, patient and send out the love, and hope that maybe, hopefully, eventually it will come back, in the form of someone who is genuine and RAD!

Anywho, I’m at a giant crossroads…and I’m feeling like I need a sign or something, and I keep hoping and doing all I can to make this choice but I’m so confused, to the point where my perspective is completely skewed.

Does anyone have any advice or ideas or stories? I could use any help!

Love Jecca xx

Chatterbox

December 10, 2010

  • Guess what? YOU have the ability to change your mind. Gasp! I know I know, totally new idea right?
  • Spoon with a person you just met, especially a cute one!
  • Hey YOU, yes YOU, stop eating with your fucking disgusting mouth open. 
  • Have you written your Christmas cards? Do it right now! Don’t be such a grinch-slacker!
  • No baby talk thank you very much, you’re adult and you’re making me sick.
  • Sneakers and jeans? Sure, wear them if you want, but don’t expect to get laid ever again.
  • Put your phone away – I absolutely do not want to see a photo slide show of your stupid DOG. No no, really, I don’t fucking care.
  • There is no magical fix for anything, the sooner you realise this the better.
  • Dress appropriately for your body type, it won’t automatically look good on you if it’s in fashion, find a way to make it work for you or don’t wear it at all.
  • Are you moisturising your whole body like I told you to AGES ago?
  • Don’t whine, please please just shut up and stop whining.
  • For guaranteed smiles get some photos developed and stick them all around the place.
  • Try to avoid keeping your social life restricted to the weekends, do fun stuff during the week too, I don’t care if your tired, your making ME tired with all of this complaining.
  • Ummm, sorry, but is that an ugly pair of knickers I see in your drawer? Dispose of them right now, there is only time for cute underwear in this life – that way you can be prepared at all times for sex/accidental Marilyn Monroe moments. Dudes, this applies to you too.
  • If you make the choice to forgive someone then you are the asshole if you bring it up in future arguments.
  • Advent calendars make it socially acceptable to eat chocolate for breakfast.
  • No no, tights are not pants, if I can see your crotch you’ve got it all wrong.
  • Stop trying so hard. I’m sure your cool enough to just be yourself!
  • 87 cups of green tea and a face mask will not reverse the effects of your alcohol binge from last night, but it’s peace of mind nonetheless –  and there’s a small chance it’s doing something.
  • If it takes you more than 2 weeks to reply to a message on Facebook or an email, then you are a bad friend. Take the 2 minutes to reply, even if just to say “I’m so sorry, my house blew up and I broke both of my hands, so I’m using my nose to type, will write back properly in a few weeks.”
  • In this life not everyone is going to like you. I know, it sucks because your totally rad. 
  • Give your Mum a break, she gave birth to you! Do you have any idea how painful that was?
  • If someone wants to do something nice for you then stop protesting and just let them.
  • Smile darling.

Jecca xx

For Today I’ll Be Hyde

December 2, 2010

Sometimes I have to really push down the cynical bastard inside myself and put a fucking smile on it.

And sometimes in my shittiest moments –  when my brain is totally out of control and at its most destructive, I read over my optimistic posts of love and life and wonder who the fuck that person is? I cringe. And yea, most of the time life is good, and I feel genuinely happy and get butterflies in my stomach about how incredibly amazing the world is and how much I love my life. And sometimes you just…barely understand how you felt yesterday, or even an hour ago.

Because sometimes you just need to revel in the cynicism. Revel, roll and laugh with the cynicism, it’s an old friend who’s come to visit who encourages you to drink too much Vodka. He’s the kind of friend who is fantastic in short doses. But my God, don’t you just have so much fun together?!

You roll your eyes at couples holding hands and groan when you hear about another engagement, Because honestly, the cynics are  always the funniest, and most honest. Truly they are!

You spend your days plugging away at being a decent person, hoping and doing all you can to get the Life, get it all, and getting it looking the way you want.

But sometimes it just seems impossible and difficult and you just want to switch it all off and watch a movie.

And then your old friend cynic pours you a delicious glass of wine, lights you a cigarette and tells you to just relax. He has to be going now, and yes he’ll come and visit again sometime. He doesn’t know when, he’ll just show up whenever he feels like it. And you say that’s OK because you’ve never had so much fun.

Jecc xx

It had just been one of those shitty weeks. Everything absolutely sucked. YOU know what I’m talking about, you wake up all pissy and sad, and cannot do anything to pull yourself out of the gigantic black hole that you feel half consumed by.

I was struggling the most because I’m supposed to be loving life, I’m traveling and experiencing wonderful things. Unfortunately the reality is when you travel you still have moments of sadness or whatever, because guess what? You are traveling with YOU. You are the exact same person you have always been –  Just because you’re on a different continent doesn’t mean you’re a different person!

When things get this bad for me normally I take stock of what the problem is, give myself a decent pep talk, get some perspective and then rationality comes back and things go back to normal.

Not this time, Oh how I tried! Tried with all my might, but this was a biggie, I think I spent the entire week hanging onto the ledge by my fingernails, hoping to god I would eventually get the strength to pull myself back up.  

Well I did, and the clouds have cleared and I can see past the black dots now.

 Now,  it’s not like I have depression or anything, I’m not medicated, but about once a year this strange depression thing happens, and I think it’s a good thing. It’s a good thing because then I know I’m present and feeling something, keeping myself in check. I refuse to be on autopilot like a lot of people. My biggest fear is to wake up when I’m 35 and realise that I’ve been drifting through this life, showering, eating, working, sleeping and wondering where the fuck the last 10 years went…how awful and sad.

So, I’ve sort of realised that while there are things/people who may disappoint and anger you, let it be a lesson in how you want to live your life/ want your life to look like. Rise above it, feel what you need to feel because that is great, but always try to keep yourself in check, keep challenging and changing, because that is the only way that we really can learn anything at all.

And to my Godmother, on my darkest day, these few sentences saved me:

“Always there will be lows after highs, maybe think of it as a re-grouping bit of resting before the next adventure. If you let it get to you…it will be ten times the problem, and it is life that some people will always behave under the line of accepted behavior. No matter what you do. But let it be their failing and not your worry. I know just how hard this is, and how alone the situation can be. You will be gone to the next city and next bit of life before you know it.” – My Fairy Godmother

Oh! And of course, if your feeling that wretched, TALK to someone about it, it really really really does help. As they say, a problem shared is a problem halved.

Hang in there my darlings

Jecca xx

Stuck, Or Something.

October 29, 2010

This quote absolutely describes where my mind has been these last few weeks, I almost wept when I saw that someone else could articulate the way I’ve been feeling:

“I don’t think I’m tangible to myself. I mean, I think one thing today, and I think another thing tomorrow. I change during the course of a day. I wake up and I’m one person, and when I go to sleep I know for certain I’m somebody else. I don’t know who I am most of the time. It doesn’t even matter to me.”

— Bob Dylan

 

One of the brilliant things about being single and traveling is the people you meet, and the opinions they have on your life and your choice travel.

You get people who:

  • Are jealous (mostly young married dudes)
  • Think you are nuts “You really only have only ONE suitcase?”
  • Simply cannot understand why you would travel with no planned return ticket
  • Think you are brilliant/want to join you
  • Think you are a lazy bum who doesn’t know how to work and the purpose of traveling is to shirk any form of hard work/responsibility

And it’s even more amazing that they think you give a shit about what they have to say (well I do because I am a sicko people pleaser).

One particular conversation I had with a girl went like this:

Stupid girl: So, you are traveling?

Me: Yes

SG: Why?

Me: Because you gotta travel right? See the world, experience different cultures and places, be a bit scared in the world and learn to rely on only yourself! I Mean, imagine living in GREECE or, like, CROATIA, How cool would that be?! Living out of one suitcase and limiting the ‘stuff’ in your life and traveling wherever you like!

SG: OMG! You only have ONE suitcase? How do you manage that? How many pairs of heels do you have?

Me: I know, and believe me, I’m not normally the type of person to do this kind of stuff, but I was ready for a change and this is a fun challenge, it’s so nice not have loads of shit to haul about with you, life is very simple, and I have one fantastic pair of heels!

SG: I don’t know how you do it! Don’t you get lonely and miss your friends and family? Don’t you get sick of wearing the same stuff over and over again? Isn’t it tiring moving from place to place?

Me: Excuse me for a sec, I’m just going to go into the woods and shoot myself, I appreciate you highlighting all of the potential pitfalls of my journey, good-luck to your new marriage, tell your new husband thanks for pinching my ass!

People can be terrible Jerks can’t they?! This type of conversation had the potential to send me diving under my duvet and never coming back out, but I am slowly learning that I am made of tougher stuff than all that! Because it’s really only out of challenge and starting over that we learn and grow.

Don’t let other people sway what YOU want!

Jecc xx

I had my leaving party on Friday night, and for some reason I drank WAY too much, I think I’m possibly internally freaking the FUCK OUT!

But it was a fun night, all of my favorites were there, we danced and laughed and Mum made drunken snack food for all of us at 1am, Mum’s are the best!

The only glitch was a fight with one of my best dude friends (more of a disagreement actually), we have been friends since we were 15 and he’s recently engaged. He has completely fallen off the radar. Completely. Which has made me feel unloved and neglected by him. Believe me when I say, I DON”T want him for myself, I just want him to be happy, truly I do…but I question his happiness, I know I shouldn’t and I should just take it for what it’s worth and leave it be. But, me being me decided to call him out on his bullshit friend behavior (why not poke the Bees nest? Idiot!)

He thought I was unreasonable and didn’t understand ONE bit where I was coming from, like I was some stranger who had NO right to say these things to him, he was all condescending and snobby and rude, not the person I remember.  It  ended with me walking away in tears and him leaving, and giving me the shittiest most unloving hug I have ever received…like he was going to see me tomorrow, like I’m not leaving for a long time.

I’m trying so so hard to not fall to pieces over this and just accept that I cannot change other people’s behavior, only my own, but sometimes you just want to SHAKE people, you know what I mean? Shake them and go WAKE UP you fucking moron!!

I just don’t know, I’m at such a loss over this, I think I just need to let it go, people change and sometimes I think you just need to let them go. It’s very hard but I think it’s for the best.

Let it go.

Sigh.

It’s a Saturday morning and I’m sitting in bed reading blogs, replying to emails and doing general  life administration things.

I have a coffee on my bedside table and the sun is shining.

Saturday morning is my favorite part of the week, the weekend is just beginning, and the two days you have ahead seem, well, endless. Anything could happen, How exciting!

I’m feeling very content these last few days, I did go through an anxious stage with Mr. Argentina, he was acting distant and I was going to let his behavior slide because we are having ‘fun’ and I don’t really know the rules, so I don’t know where I’m allowed to say anything or not. But I thought, NO, I am an adult, I’m just gonna ask him what’s up.

So I asked, he acted like a juvenile child. Denied everything, made me feel like an insane female…fucking HATE that trait in a guy, just OWN your shit man, don’t be passive aggressive, don’t turn it around on me. I was just asking out of concern. When your behavior changes, then it’s pretty obvious something is up! No, I’m not falling in love with you, I am a nice person and I was just concerned, relax dude!

So, I think this thing has run its course, it’s not just fun anymore, it’s getting a little more complicated, which is OK I guess, but not exactly ideal, AND if we keep hanging out the way we have been and acting like we have been (yes we act like a proper couple whenever we are together, and yes, it’s very confusing) then I’m probably gonna start having proper feelings for him, I tried to be distant, compartmentalise my feelings but it’s not that easy! I’m just not wired that way, but that’s OK, I know when enough is enough.

It doesn’t mean that I won’t check my phone every 10 seconds for the next few weeks, or get all whimsical about how much fun I had with him/how well we got along, BUT I do know I will be just fine.

But, nothing ventured nothing gained, You can’t live life locked in a cupboard, You have to just put  yourself out there and hope for the very best.

It is imperative that you do this, do you want to look back at your life and wonder…what if?

HELL TO THE NO!

Lady Jecca xx