Spinning

June 28, 2010

Yes, I have been hiding.

Hiding from myself and the world.

I feel like time has sped up, my head is spinning.

Spinning.

I haven’t felt like writing, don’t know what I want to write so I’m just going to type and see where this goes…stick with me now my darlings.

Mr. Argentina and his friends left last week and I was so sad, even though I tried to be tough.

He held me and wiped away my tears, just like in the movies, he told me I was amazing and that he would miss me too, but that we would see each other again sometime in the near future. I believe him.

I’m much better now, but I am really missing them still, missing his company, but I will be just fine, I’ve already lived through bad things and know that this is just a sad few days.

You might be thinking I’m being dramatic, that I should just toughen up and get on with it, but you don’t understand, I fall in love with people VERY easily. Not boys in particular, but People. I could fall for a girl in 5 minutes and be best friends with her for the rest of my life. That’s how easily I fall, and there is nothing wrong with that, it’s just me. I trust somebody right from the beginning, give them everything and then if they fuck it up, then I back away, I start with high expectations and then hope for the best. Am I naive? Yes probably, but I think it’s nice not to be so fucking guarded, everyone is guarded these days, playing games and being cruel. Just be nice, expect the best from people and most of the time that is what you will get, you generally get back what you perpetuate. Call it Karma, call it whatevs, I don’t care, just don’t be so guarded. Yes, you might get hurt, but guess what? You will survive! Amazing isn’t it? Have a little faith in yourself and your capabilities, you might be pleasantly surprised (or massively disappointed, sorry if you are!)

I’ve also observed some weird things in the last few weeks, things which have made me question people’s happiness. From what I’ve seen unhappiness can manifest in weird ways and can result in very odd behavior, unhappiness can turn you into someone you’re NOT.

If you are unhappy then do something about it, and quickly…before you turn up to work one day with a shotgun hidden down your bra/pants.

I’m going to try to stop spinning now, I’ve indulged myself for a few days but that’s quite enough.

Be happy my dears

Jecc xx

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It’s a Saturday morning and I’m sitting in bed reading blogs, replying to emails and doing generalĀ  life administration things.

I have a coffee on my bedside table and the sun is shining.

Saturday morning is my favorite part of the week, the weekend is just beginning, and the two days you have ahead seem, well, endless. Anything could happen, How exciting!

I’m feeling very content these last few days, I did go through an anxious stage with Mr. Argentina, he was acting distant and I was going to let his behavior slide because we are having ‘fun’ and I don’t really know the rules, so I don’t know where I’m allowed to say anything or not. But I thought, NO, I am an adult, I’m just gonna ask him what’s up.

So I asked, he acted like a juvenile child. Denied everything, made me feel like an insane female…fucking HATE that trait in a guy, just OWN your shit man, don’t be passive aggressive, don’t turn it around on me. I was just asking out of concern. When your behavior changes, then it’s pretty obvious something is up! No, I’m not falling in love with you, I am a nice person and I was just concerned, relax dude!

So, I think this thing has run its course, it’s not just fun anymore, it’s getting a little more complicated, which is OK I guess, but not exactly ideal, AND if we keep hanging out the way we have been and acting like we have been (yes we act like a proper couple whenever we are together, and yes, it’s very confusing) then I’m probably gonna start having proper feelings for him, I tried to be distant, compartmentalise my feelings but it’s not that easy! I’m just not wired that way, but that’s OK, I know when enough is enough.

It doesn’t mean that I won’t check my phone every 10 seconds for the next few weeks, or get all whimsical about how much fun I had with him/how well we got along, BUT I do know I will be just fine.

But, nothing ventured nothing gained, You can’t live life locked in a cupboard, You have to just putĀ  yourself out there and hope for the very best.

It is imperative that you do this, do you want to look back at your life and wonder…what if?

HELL TO THE NO!

Lady Jecca xx

Reckless Abandon

June 8, 2010

Last Tuesday Mr. Argentina and his buddies where going away for the night, they really wanted me to go along, but I had work.

I wrestled with myself for about 40 seconds before I decided, I thought “fuck it” I’m gonna go, be reckless, abandon my responsibilities at work and just leave for 24 hours, I was sold! Then I lied and told Mr Argentina I would think about it. And yes, game playing is absolute shit, and horrid, but sometimes a girl just wants to play! This was nice game playing, not mean game playing.

Anyways, I digress (as per usual)

I went away, it was fun, I bonded with one of his close female friends and it was so cool. Mr Argentina and I even got to play grown-ups and have our own room at the hostel we stayed at (yes, I stayed at a hostel, I’m into trying new things at the moment, and it ain’t so bad!) He was all carrying my luggage, opening doors and leading the way…very ‘Mr Argentina takes charge’ and I was loving it. Every single second.

I’ve always thought there was something SO awesome about staying in a hotel with a lover (Lover? What am I? Joan Collins?!) anyways, it’s like you can be somebody else, and you get to see them out of their comfort zone…all vulnerable in a new place, negotiating maps, talking to strangers and asking for advice, jumping on the bed together…will you both eat from the mini bar? Will you change your name when you meet strangers? Who KNOWS! The possibilities are endless! ENDLESS!

I must credit the legendary Tim Walker for this amazing picture.

Go away, step out of your life, even if it’s just for the night!

I Double Double DARE YOU!

Jecc xx