X Marks The Spot?

February 26, 2011

Hi darlings!

Well, I’m back in LA and have been for about 2 months now. I’m looking for work and looking to establish a life here, major changes, but it’s great!

I’m on the job hunt and its positive but also getting pretty grueling. I’m all over the show, interviewing, trialling, smiling and selling myself like some awful Willy Loman type (for the record, I’m not a fan of sales people – the ghastly kind anyway)  I’m exhausted. I’ve not slept properly in 2 weeks, I just need to relax, but I stay up until 5am running through every possible scenario in my head until my brain begins to steam! I am so hard on myself it’s unbelievable. I am 100% terrified of making the wrong decision and setting my life on the wrong course, well, I swing between that and trusting the universe and letting the master plan happen organically. Do I sound completely insane to you? Don’t answer that…I know already.

And here’s the really crazy part, one particular job I’ve been trailing for is  close to perfect. Loads of travel, great perks and the financial side is great…but there are a few things that I don’t like and would have to make concessions for, quite big concessions actually, like my LIFE and free time. So now I’m questioning this option too, even though I have been begging the universe for this sort of opportunity. Believe me, I’m not afraid of hard work, and I’m not lazy, I guess I’m just making sure I’ve got every angle figured out.

Also, it’s proving difficult to meet people in LA,  I’m the type who will talk to anyone and love them immediately. I’ll offer my home, my life, my friends, my makeup, my car, whatever it is that will make that person’s life easier/make them feel loved. It just so happens this town isn’t used to that, don’t get me wrong, I’m meeting cool people…but then they are all so busy being cool and pretending to be SO important that the bullshit gets in the way of actually just getting on with the fucking job and having fun! But, in spite of this, I’ll continue to be kind, patient and send out the love, and hope that maybe, hopefully, eventually it will come back, in the form of someone who is genuine and RAD!

Anywho, I’m at a giant crossroads…and I’m feeling like I need a sign or something, and I keep hoping and doing all I can to make this choice but I’m so confused, to the point where my perspective is completely skewed.

Does anyone have any advice or ideas or stories? I could use any help!

Love Jecca xx

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