The Slightest Flick

You,
are so clever.
so clever
you.

With only the slightest flick of your wrist
you have
disarmed and destroyed
me.
Completely

– JL Knapp

Before the Weekend

Before you get really settled into your weekend, can I just say…

There is a possibility that this weekend you will run into that dude, you know, the guy who is cool, confident, charming, slightly arrogant, a total babe, picky about who he hooks up with, has been flirting with you, acts unavailable and aloof but makes you feel special at the same time…he has a reputation for being a  manipulative prick and hurting girls.  But you still still want him, you feel like you almost don’t have a choice. You know exactly who I’m talking about. Yes, you do…don’t act coy with me! And I get it, I really really do. Just please, for the sake of your sanity remember that he’s probably gonna lose interest just as you finally let your guard down. It’s just the way he is, and yes…perhaps you will be the one to ‘change’ him, but probably not. You know he’s bad for you, but you still want some of the action, I totally understand. So go for it, keep it light, don’t set your expectations too high.

And if by chance you should fall for him, and you’re really hurting and hating yourself for being so naive, then message me and we’ll talk about it. Because I’ve just gone through it and it’s utter hell, but you will come out the other side just fine, just keep holding on through the dark times.

Silence

The silence from you,
this silence
is so loud
it cracks open my chest,
enters my body,
and winds its way through me

I cannot move
I stay still
so I can better listen,
(in agony)
to all the things you are not saying.
– JL Knapp

All This Fussing and Fighting

• There is absolutely no point flogging a dead horse. If it’s over, it’s over.
• Hey newly single peeps, just FYI not everyone is going to want to fuck you – beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Don’t let this ruin your self-esteem!
• I’ve always thought Judgmental people were horrible, until this weekend when I was put in an awkward spot and had to go ahead and judge my little heart out. I was feeling awful about it until a friend simply pointed out that sometimes it’s our judgements that save us. Lightbulb!
• Kiss until your lips bleed
• Be wary of people who use the term ‘nice guys finish last’
• Think about all the things you would do if you weren’t afraid.
• Do you look at the other people in photo besides yourself?
• You might think he’s hot, but you certainly can’t force chemistry.
• No-one wants to hear about the dream you had last night unless it involves them!
• Crying is the side-effect of an emotion, not a tool for manipulation.
• Keep the PDA to a minimum
• Think about who you would die for, then tell them – sometimes people don’t understand how special they are.
• The truth will set you free, or destroy you.
• If a dude you like smells like hairspray, run.

Got You

I’ve been thinking about dudes, flirting, boundaries, sex and dating.

Here Goes, Weeeeee:

Let’s go ahead and simplify this whole thing.

If a dude wants you he’ll make it happen no matter what. If you show the slightest bit of interest (even if its fleeting) he will zero in on that like a Shark after blood and you will be 100% totally hooked. Dudes are crafty and gutsy like that, if they want it they will say it and make it known. There won’t be any ominous texts to feel out the vibe, counting down the seconds until you text back. NOPE, none of that. A dude will cut the crap and simplify it all – he wants IN and damn the consequences, he’ll figure out the details later.

Women go weak over this because everyone wants to be wanted or at the very least validated. If a dude walks up to you at a party and whispers depraved things in your ear and then casually walks away again, your vision goes blurry and you my friend are a fucking goner.

Every action for the rest of the night is geared towards him. You orientate yourself  around him being able to see you. Even if nothing happens that night, the whole next week you act like he can see you, even when you are alone! Your hair and makeup is perfect and your legs are always shaved.

And by the way, in these circumstances the dude rarely cares how you look, I mean – you have clearly been obsessing to make sure your eye makeup matches your shoes or whatever psychotic thing you’ve chosen to zero in on. He notices, but it’s beyond that point, you already have his attention. All he really cares about at this point is having his body parts inside/on your body parts.

Have fun, and hold on tight!

Jecc xx

You, Yes, You

I, with a deeper instinct,
choose a man who compels my strength,
who makes enormous demands on me,
who does not doubt my courage or my toughness,
who does not believe me naive or innocent,
who has the courage to treat me like a woman.

Anaïs Nin

There Goes Your Fear, Let It Go

So I had been thinking about Mr. Swooney a lot. I had seen him recently and he made my stomach go all wriggly, to be honest I was surprised! I’m trying to stay free and unattached. My travel plans change rapidly and I’m all over the place, so I try to keep things simple. 

But honestly, if I meet the right guy, I could easily change my plans.  

So for the first time in my life I took a shot, leapt off the edge, went for it, took the plunge, put myself out there. And all of those bold and brave things.

I sent him a cute and witty message, it was to the point and no pressure. I basically said I thought he was a great guy and I liked hanging out with him, that I was interested and bla bla bla.

It’s been 2 weeks and I haven’t heard a thing.

Not a peep, Zip, Nien, Nada, Nothing.

Now, I do know he is painfully shy, so could this be it? Could my casual message still have freaked him out? Sent him packing never to be seen again? Is he now living in a shack in Timbuktu, hiding under the covers drinking whiskey? Who knows?! Maybe I never will.

And here is the worst part, the part ALL of you can relate to, I have INSTANTLY gone to the place of ‘he think’s I’m fat and ugly.’ My self-worth has plummeted. Instant self blame.

But I’m fighting this horrid natural inclination with everything I have. I just have to let it be, not over analyse and just trust that there is a reason why this didn’t work out (it better be a fucking good one)

I’m not going to be set back by this, I still have faith in Love/Lust/One night stands.

It was actually kinda cool putting myself out there, try it, I DARE you.

Better to know than be left wondering!

Jecc xx

Absolute Warmth And All Things Gorgeous

It’s a Saturday morning and I’m sitting in bed reading blogs, replying to emails and doing general  life administration things.

I have a coffee on my bedside table and the sun is shining.

Saturday morning is my favorite part of the week, the weekend is just beginning, and the two days you have ahead seem, well, endless. Anything could happen, How exciting!

I’m feeling very content these last few days, I did go through an anxious stage with Mr. Argentina, he was acting distant and I was going to let his behavior slide because we are having ‘fun’ and I don’t really know the rules, so I don’t know where I’m allowed to say anything or not. But I thought, NO, I am an adult, I’m just gonna ask him what’s up.

So I asked, he acted like a juvenile child. Denied everything, made me feel like an insane female…fucking HATE that trait in a guy, just OWN your shit man, don’t be passive aggressive, don’t turn it around on me. I was just asking out of concern. When your behavior changes, then it’s pretty obvious something is up! No, I’m not falling in love with you, I am a nice person and I was just concerned, relax dude!

So, I think this thing has run its course, it’s not just fun anymore, it’s getting a little more complicated, which is OK I guess, but not exactly ideal, AND if we keep hanging out the way we have been and acting like we have been (yes we act like a proper couple whenever we are together, and yes, it’s very confusing) then I’m probably gonna start having proper feelings for him, I tried to be distant, compartmentalise my feelings but it’s not that easy! I’m just not wired that way, but that’s OK, I know when enough is enough.

It doesn’t mean that I won’t check my phone every 10 seconds for the next few weeks, or get all whimsical about how much fun I had with him/how well we got along, BUT I do know I will be just fine.

But, nothing ventured nothing gained, You can’t live life locked in a cupboard, You have to just put  yourself out there and hope for the very best.

It is imperative that you do this, do you want to look back at your life and wonder…what if?

HELL TO THE NO!

Lady Jecca xx

Reckless Abandon

Last Tuesday Mr. Argentina and his buddies where going away for the night, they really wanted me to go along, but I had work.

I wrestled with myself for about 40 seconds before I decided, I thought “fuck it” I’m gonna go, be reckless, abandon my responsibilities at work and just leave for 24 hours, I was sold! Then I lied and told Mr Argentina I would think about it. And yes, game playing is absolute shit, and horrid, but sometimes a girl just wants to play! This was nice game playing, not mean game playing.

Anyways, I digress (as per usual)

I went away, it was fun, I bonded with one of his close female friends and it was so cool. Mr Argentina and I even got to play grown-ups and have our own room at the hostel we stayed at (yes, I stayed at a hostel, I’m into trying new things at the moment, and it ain’t so bad!) He was all carrying my luggage, opening doors and leading the way…very ‘Mr Argentina takes charge’ and I was loving it. Every single second.

I’ve always thought there was something SO awesome about staying in a hotel with a lover (Lover? What am I? Joan Collins?!) anyways, it’s like you can be somebody else, and you get to see them out of their comfort zone…all vulnerable in a new place, negotiating maps, talking to strangers and asking for advice, jumping on the bed together…will you both eat from the mini bar? Will you change your name when you meet strangers? Who KNOWS! The possibilities are endless! ENDLESS!

I must credit the legendary Tim Walker for this amazing picture.

Go away, step out of your life, even if it’s just for the night!

I Double Double DARE YOU!

Jecc xx

What’s My Age Again?

I recently heard a theory from a dude-friend.

It went something like this:

For the most part (and I use this phrase first because generalising is always stupid and dangerous), if a Guy is 35 years old that would be approx 25 in Girl years. An 18 year old girl is approximately the same age as a 25 year old guy.  So if you apply the 5 – 10 year age difference rule then you would probably get a decent maturity match. But only if the girl is younger, if a 35 year old woman is dating/sexxing an 18 year old, you might get stoned in the street – but whatevs man, Coug it up I say! I’m not judging you, I’m just warning you, it’s not my prejudice, it’s societies issues, but mind you, Couger’s are very in Vogue, It’s the new Black…so do it, jump on the band wagon or the nearest 19 year old hottie and go with it!

BUT, I was in a  relationship with someone who was my own age for 3 years, and that was just fine…I guess it all depends on the person, but there were maturity challenges for sure! Anyways, enough of that rubbish. I’m not getting into that now. But if any of you ladies who have been in relationship with a dude in his early to mid 20’s I’m sure you already know what these challenges are…and if you don’t then you are either going out with the rare exception or your a fucking idiot. I’m not saying it’s a bad thing at all, I’m just making an observation, don’t be so defensive dude! Mind you, us ladies are no walk in the park either, I mean we are great but we aren’t without challenges either…but that’s a whole other post.

So, in theory I should be dating a 30 – 35 year old, I want a MAN, or a Man-dude, a man who is cool but has a good job, is driven and ambitious, but goes surfing on the weekends and maybe skateboards to work in his super awesome suit. He is well spoken but not pretentious, he is a cutie but doesn’t know it. He can pay for dinner, he can afford to go on a  holiday with you, he has traveled, isn’t scared to talk about the future…Man-Dude will come home from his super cool job and talk shop with you and listen to your work stories from your super great job and provide intelligent and insightful pointers.  He will also be awesome and cool to your friends and family, and genuinely love them. He will go out with his friends on the weekend and you with yours and you won’t worry or be jealous because 1) you aren’t like that and 2) he thinks you are the bestestestest EVER. He is proud that YOU are is HIS Girlfriend. And then you will listen to the Killers together and talk utter rubbish and act like 20 year olds because although he is a MAN he is still a DUDE.

MAN-DUDE!

Fuck! I can’t wait to meet this guy!

xx

P.S – To all of my dude friends, you are the Man-Dudes described above, how lucky your girlfriends are! I Love you.