For Today I’ll Be Hyde

December 2, 2010

Sometimes I have to really push down the cynical bastard inside myself and put a fucking smile on it.

And sometimes in my shittiest moments –  when my brain is totally out of control and at its most destructive, I read over my optimistic posts of love and life and wonder who the fuck that person is? I cringe. And yea, most of the time life is good, and I feel genuinely happy and get butterflies in my stomach about how incredibly amazing the world is and how much I love my life. And sometimes you just…barely understand how you felt yesterday, or even an hour ago.

Because sometimes you just need to revel in the cynicism. Revel, roll and laugh with the cynicism, it’s an old friend who’s come to visit who encourages you to drink too much Vodka. He’s the kind of friend who is fantastic in short doses. But my God, don’t you just have so much fun together?!

You roll your eyes at couples holding hands and groan when you hear about another engagement, Because honestly, the cynics are  always the funniest, and most honest. Truly they are!

You spend your days plugging away at being a decent person, hoping and doing all you can to get the Life, get it all, and getting it looking the way you want.

But sometimes it just seems impossible and difficult and you just want to switch it all off and watch a movie.

And then your old friend cynic pours you a delicious glass of wine, lights you a cigarette and tells you to just relax. He has to be going now, and yes he’ll come and visit again sometime. He doesn’t know when, he’ll just show up whenever he feels like it. And you say that’s OK because you’ve never had so much fun.

Jecc xx

One of the brilliant things about being single and traveling is the people you meet, and the opinions they have on your life and your choice travel.

You get people who:

  • Are jealous (mostly young married dudes)
  • Think you are nuts “You really only have only ONE suitcase?”
  • Simply cannot understand why you would travel with no planned return ticket
  • Think you are brilliant/want to join you
  • Think you are a lazy bum who doesn’t know how to work and the purpose of traveling is to shirk any form of hard work/responsibility

And it’s even more amazing that they think you give a shit about what they have to say (well I do because I am a sicko people pleaser).

One particular conversation I had with a girl went like this:

Stupid girl: So, you are traveling?

Me: Yes

SG: Why?

Me: Because you gotta travel right? See the world, experience different cultures and places, be a bit scared in the world and learn to rely on only yourself! I Mean, imagine living in GREECE or, like, CROATIA, How cool would that be?! Living out of one suitcase and limiting the ‘stuff’ in your life and traveling wherever you like!

SG: OMG! You only have ONE suitcase? How do you manage that? How many pairs of heels do you have?

Me: I know, and believe me, I’m not normally the type of person to do this kind of stuff, but I was ready for a change and this is a fun challenge, it’s so nice not have loads of shit to haul about with you, life is very simple, and I have one fantastic pair of heels!

SG: I don’t know how you do it! Don’t you get lonely and miss your friends and family? Don’t you get sick of wearing the same stuff over and over again? Isn’t it tiring moving from place to place?

Me: Excuse me for a sec, I’m just going to go into the woods and shoot myself, I appreciate you highlighting all of the potential pitfalls of my journey, good-luck to your new marriage, tell your new husband thanks for pinching my ass!

People can be terrible Jerks can’t they?! This type of conversation had the potential to send me diving under my duvet and never coming back out, but I am slowly learning that I am made of tougher stuff than all that! Because it’s really only out of challenge and starting over that we learn and grow.

Don’t let other people sway what YOU want!

Jecc xx

I had my leaving party on Friday night, and for some reason I drank WAY too much, I think I’m possibly internally freaking the FUCK OUT!

But it was a fun night, all of my favorites were there, we danced and laughed and Mum made drunken snack food for all of us at 1am, Mum’s are the best!

The only glitch was a fight with one of my best dude friends (more of a disagreement actually), we have been friends since we were 15 and he’s recently engaged. He has completely fallen off the radar. Completely. Which has made me feel unloved and neglected by him. Believe me when I say, I DON”T want him for myself, I just want him to be happy, truly I do…but I question his happiness, I know I shouldn’t and I should just take it for what it’s worth and leave it be. But, me being me decided to call him out on his bullshit friend behavior (why not poke the Bees nest? Idiot!)

He thought I was unreasonable and didn’t understand ONE bit where I was coming from, like I was some stranger who had NO right to say these things to him, he was all condescending and snobby and rude, not the person I remember.  It  ended with me walking away in tears and him leaving, and giving me the shittiest most unloving hug I have ever received…like he was going to see me tomorrow, like I’m not leaving for a long time.

I’m trying so so hard to not fall to pieces over this and just accept that I cannot change other people’s behavior, only my own, but sometimes you just want to SHAKE people, you know what I mean? Shake them and go WAKE UP you fucking moron!!

I just don’t know, I’m at such a loss over this, I think I just need to let it go, people change and sometimes I think you just need to let them go. It’s very hard but I think it’s for the best.

Let it go.

Sigh.

  • Don’t be rude to your waiter/waitress, what are you, stupid!? They handle your food.
  • Go for a walk in the rain and jump in puddles, it’s SO fun!
  • Make plans, always have something to look forward to, you might die of boredom otherwise!
  • Say please and thank you
  • Keep in touch with your friends, make the effort
  • Good Sex will cure 90% of your mental issues. For serious.

  • Just because you are kinda seeing someone does not mean your life and responsibilities have to go on the back burner, make it on YOUR terms, yeash, grow a back bone!
  • If you are hooking up with a dude and he tells you from the beginning that’s it’s only fun then he means it, don’t secretly hope that he will fall in love with you. You don’t want to fall in love with the guy who says “this is just fun”
  • Don’t talk about how much money you have, you fucking jerkface! In fact don’t talk about money at all, it’s SO crass.
  • Don’t get into physical fights, it makes you look like an asshole/if you do then you are an asshole!
  • Be open to the possibility that you just might fall in love, c’mon man, don’t be so closed off and scared! Ya big baby. It’s just LOVE, Not like, AIDS or something. You will recover if it all turns to Hell, and if not, there’s always Vodka!
  • It’s not very often that you meet new people who are genuinely great and amazing, people who you just click with – but when you do it will light you up, hold on to that for dear life.
  • Be nice to people
  • Learn to use a knife and fork properly you crazy wild animal!
  • Have sexxx with foreigners, and if you can, get them to talk dirty to you in their native tounge while you do it, it’s the hottest thing EVER, go on! EVERYBODY is doing it. It’s the new black.

Love Jecca xx

Random Thoughts…

March 15, 2010

Due to extremely long hours at work I’ve neglected my poor Blog, and all of you too, sorry!

Here are some stray thoughts that I’ve been stewing for awhile now.

  • Moving home totally rules, but leave before you get too comfortable.
  • Read books
  • Be aware of the world around you/form an opinion
  • Your parents are human beings too
  • Friends and family will dissapoint and annoy you at some stage, get over it, not everyone thinks the same way you do. Sucks huh!
  • Pay your parking tickets
  • It’s OK to disagree
  • Having great girlfriends is amazing
  • Drinking Vodka is the best
  • Laughing until your stomach hurts is pure bliss
  • Good guy friends are SO cool/make you feel special.
  • Eating in bed is super naughty but a nice treat
  • You always feel better after a good cry
  • Learn to have faith in yourself and your decisions
  • Sometimes shit happens, what are you gonna do?
  • It would be so sweet if Rob Pattinson was my Boyfriend
  • Skins is probably the best TV show ever
  • Saturday mornings are the best part of the week
  • Make plans, have something to look forward to!
  • Friends will leave you to go travelling overseas, but that’s OK, at least you are on the same planet, imagine if they went to Mars or something?!!
  • The Killers are probably the best band ever
  • Flirting is beyond fun!!
  • White sheets are the best, except when you own an evil black cat
  • Smile like you mean it
  • Walk in bare feet on the grass
  • A little humility goes a very long way
  • In times of stress, hang in there and look forward to that pivitol moment when you realise that you WILL pull this off
  • Swimming is SO fun
  • People can be total fuckwits, DON’T be one of them
  • IF you were rowing across the River Styx, you should totally look like this:

by Julie Williams

Hope you are all well and happy!

Jecc xx

VD (Valentine’s Day)

February 13, 2010

Can you tell already that I’m cynical as hell about VD this year?  And Yes, I am referring to Valentines Day as VD because to me, this year it evokes nothing but a likeness to Venereal Disease (VD) I’m clever huh? Groan, anyways, moving right along… 

Let’s take a wee trip down memory lane…close your eyes…hush.

This time last year I was living in New York and it was bloody freezing! I was having a blast, roaming around the West Village, drinking way too much and just generally having a good time. My Boyfriend (now Ex) was patiently waiting at home for me (in New Zealand), bless him.  I was trying very hard not to focus on the fact that Valentines day was so close, it made me miss him terribly. Anyways, VD rolled around and I was frantic at work, then next thing I know a bouquet of white Lilies are delivered to me! My Favorite! Now, it wasn’t so much that I got flowers at all, it was that my Ex got off his ass in time to organise having flowers delivered to me across the other side of the world, and he remembered what my favorite flower was, I was so touched by the gesture – it was one of the nicest things that has happened to me. Needless to say there were tears, much jumping around and a voicemail to him at 5am New Zealand time.

Nice little triperoo down memory lane huh? I tell you, it’s nice to remember the good things after a break-up, because the good things did exist!

I figure that all of my Valentines Day karma has been used up now, so this year the drinking will begin after I roll out of bed, first thing in the morning. I’m gonna get dressed up and wear a gorgeous head band, drink loads of Red wine and nonchalantly wait around by the front door just in case the mail man has a ‘special’ package to deliver.       

P.S – To all the Dudes, it’s really quite simple, flowers go a LONG way, just the gesture alone will do you in good stead – it’s quite simple! So get off your ass and get your Special Lady some flowers!

 

So, I have gone from having very little boy action, to some interesting encounters this past week. It’s been great, I feel like I’ve got my swagger back, there is a spring in my step and a smile on my face – it’s always sunny in my world at the moment, I hope the sun is shining for you too!

So, here goes:

Encounter #1 – The American

So, right before I left for Christmas break I hooked up with a very tall American fella’ – he seemed nice and all, and wanted to take me on a date, but I was so busy getting ready for the 3 week holiday ahead that I really didn’t have time, I made this clear to him, but boy was he persistent! To be honest I was very flattered, it was great for my self-esteem. But the texts were a little too over-the-top for something that was SO new! Anyways, after I got back from holiday we went out for a few drinks, he wanted to do the dinner thing but I hate the formality of a dinner date, so suggested drinks instead. Again, he was persistent about  dinner, but I won, victory was mine! So we settled in for a few drinks and I started getting the worst headache and begun feeling nauseous too, not wanting to be rude I tried to ignore it – how many girls have used this excuse before when they were actually feeling OK? Well, I wasn’t going to do that to this poor guy, I have manners! Anyways, as the date progressed I realised I was a little bored – I didn’t want to know about his divorce and certain medical procedures, it was a little too much, no mystery and too forward. Oh AND – he was all about the PDA (public displays of affection) like, full on make out’s in a very public bar, it was gross, and I tried to be tough about this too, but again with the fucking persistence, and I’m a people pleaser so I just couldn’t win! So, it got to the point where I was feeling so sick and headachey that I actually thought I was going to vomit. We finally got out of there and I just wanted to be left alone to feel sick/look gross but he wanted to take me home and give me a massage etc, here’s a lesson boys, if a girl feels sick and is just getting to know you, she doesn’t want to look like shit in front of you. EVER. Nope, no arguments, it’s just the way it is. Sorry, I don’t make the rules! Phew, so he finally left me to feel sick/look gross after some good night kisses (he did lift me up and kiss me like in the movies and I swooned big time, it was so cool!). But all in all, it was a little much – he gave too much away on the first date, and was just too persistent and wouldn’t take ‘no’ for an answer – he even asked me to go on holiday with him. Yikes!

I mean, it was fun and he’s a nice guy, just not for me!

But that’s what it’s all about right, getting out there and seeing how it goes, you never know what’s around the corner!

Got any fun/funny date stories for me?

Encounter # 2 – The Blonde Babe, to be continued….

Holy Shit, It’s 2010!

January 3, 2010

Lordy Lordy,

It’s 2010, the year that I thought would never come, the year that we were supposed to have magic flying cars and eat food in pill form! Sadly, we don’t have flying cars, but we do have the internet, so all of you poor bastards out there can read my random thoughts and rants (and hopefully have a giggle along the way)!

So, did you have a great New Years eve? Pash any babes? Drink too much?  Tell me your stories…go on, I tell you all of mine.

I had a great one, I spent it with about 20 of my oldest and closest friends at a beach in the lovely Hawkes Bay. We drank, we laughed, we danced, I might have cried, might have. I didn’t pash anyone – there weren’t any suitable candidates. I’m not dropping my standards for no body.

Got any New Years resolutions? I don’t, all I want is to move on, and properly get over him and all the stuff that went with the break up. Enough is enough. Oh, and to continue being healthy and going to the gym, and pashing tall dark handsome men (that’s a whole other story, keep checking back).

Apparently he knows about this blog now and has read it, at least I think so. I have been very nice to him thus far, but in light of recent events, I have to say:

I HOPE YOU AND YOUR NEW GIRLFRIEND ARE VERY HAPPY AND THAT YOUR PROPENSITY TO CHEAT AND HER PROPENSITY TO BE A HOMEWRECKER DON’T COMPROMISE YOUR BRIGHT AND HAPPY FUTURE. GOOD LUCK TO YOUR NEW RELATIONSHIP. FUCKERS.

 

Phew, that feels better, I’m probably going to regret that. But hey, it’s 2010!

Good luck for 2010 lovers – and remember don’t fall asleep at the Wheel!

xx

 

If you can listen to this without getting a little emotional, then I admire you!

It’s one of those songs that makes me:

1. Reflect on my year

2. Remember the good times

3. Wonder how Shane MacGowan the lead singer from the Pogues could drink a bottle of whiskey a day

4. Wonder if I could drink a bottle of whiskey a day

5. Feel Christmassy and whimsical

6. Want to get drunk and dance alone in a couture gown, wearing a headband while smoking a cigar and sipping on some delicious Grey Goose. How Faaabulous.

Picture by Tim Walker - he's a genius

Love Jecc xx

It’s been 9 weeks since we broke up, and the moments of sadness are becoming much less frequent.

Can you believe it’s been 9 Weeks? Thanks to all of you for reading this and being there each step of the way.

It's Magic!

I feel stronger, happier and I am getting back to the way I used to be when I wasn’t propping somebody else up – it feels good!

My life is all about me, my gorgeous friends and family! It’s ridiculous how liberating it is. I go to the gym 4 days a week now; I’m challenging myself and have even joined a Gym Boot Camp. I would NEVER have done that 3 months ago. In fact, me from 3 months ago would be jealous the new ‘gym going’ me.

Well, the old and unmotivated me can take a hike, I have zero time for that now. I have goals and I have a plan!

Here are some things that I enjoy as part of my new single life:

  • Going for drinks and dinner during the week
  • Staying out until 5am on the weekends, meeting cool and interesting people
  • Viva Mexico on Saturday’s with my Flatmates (best Mexican food in Wellington)
  • Playing Pinball and smoking cigarettes with cute boys
  • Going to new bars
  • Using eye cream
  • Flirting
  • Calling friends overseas
  • Moisturising my entire body – do it ladies (or guys), you will thank me for the results!
  • Getting facials/beauty treatments
  • Getting my hair done did
  • Listening to new music
  • I don’t get scared of the dark anymore
  • I can sleep alone now
  • I enjoy doing only my laundry, not someone else’s
  • Going to the Gym
  • Being FREE

I hope YOU are having a good day, and remember you never know what is around the corner, it’s your life — make sure you aren’t asleep at the wheel!

Love Lady Jecca xx