Chatterbox

December 10, 2010

  • Guess what? YOU have the ability to change your mind. Gasp! I know I know, totally new idea right?
  • Spoon with a person you just met, especially a cute one!
  • Hey YOU, yes YOU, stop eating with your fucking disgusting mouth open. 
  • Have you written your Christmas cards? Do it right now! Don’t be such a grinch-slacker!
  • No baby talk thank you very much, you’re adult and you’re making me sick.
  • Sneakers and jeans? Sure, wear them if you want, but don’t expect to get laid ever again.
  • Put your phone away – I absolutely do not want to see a photo slide show of your stupid DOG. No no, really, I don’t fucking care.
  • There is no magical fix for anything, the sooner you realise this the better.
  • Dress appropriately for your body type, it won’t automatically look good on you if it’s in fashion, find a way to make it work for you or don’t wear it at all.
  • Are you moisturising your whole body like I told you to AGES ago?
  • Don’t whine, please please just shut up and stop whining.
  • For guaranteed smiles get some photos developed and stick them all around the place.
  • Try to avoid keeping your social life restricted to the weekends, do fun stuff during the week too, I don’t care if your tired, your making ME tired with all of this complaining.
  • Ummm, sorry, but is that an ugly pair of knickers I see in your drawer? Dispose of them right now, there is only time for cute underwear in this life – that way you can be prepared at all times for sex/accidental Marilyn Monroe moments. Dudes, this applies to you too.
  • If you make the choice to forgive someone then you are the asshole if you bring it up in future arguments.
  • Advent calendars make it socially acceptable to eat chocolate for breakfast.
  • No no, tights are not pants, if I can see your crotch you’ve got it all wrong.
  • Stop trying so hard. I’m sure your cool enough to just be yourself!
  • 87 cups of green tea and a face mask will not reverse the effects of your alcohol binge from last night, but it’s peace of mind nonetheless –  and there’s a small chance it’s doing something.
  • If it takes you more than 2 weeks to reply to a message on Facebook or an email, then you are a bad friend. Take the 2 minutes to reply, even if just to say “I’m so sorry, my house blew up and I broke both of my hands, so I’m using my nose to type, will write back properly in a few weeks.”
  • In this life not everyone is going to like you. I know, it sucks because your totally rad. 
  • Give your Mum a break, she gave birth to you! Do you have any idea how painful that was?
  • If someone wants to do something nice for you then stop protesting and just let them.
  • Smile darling.

Jecca xx

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4 Responses to “Chatterbox”


  1. I need you to be my ass-kicking life coach. I really should be wearing false eyelashes already too, right?

  2. Rere Says:

    Just had a big catch up with your bloggy miss Jecca!! Your writing is luv-erly….n so are the pics, where do you get them?! To fun days in 2011… xx

    • ladyjecca Says:

      Thanks Rere!

      I just find them randomly, other blogs, or things I’ve had stashed on my laptop forever!
      You are SO right – to Fun days in 2011!

      Come ride bikes with Meeeeee!

      xx


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