For Today I’ll Be Hyde

December 2, 2010

Sometimes I have to really push down the cynical bastard inside myself and put a fucking smile on it.

And sometimes in my shittiest moments –  when my brain is totally out of control and at its most destructive, I read over my optimistic posts of love and life and wonder who the fuck that person is? I cringe. And yea, most of the time life is good, and I feel genuinely happy and get butterflies in my stomach about how incredibly amazing the world is and how much I love my life. And sometimes you just…barely understand how you felt yesterday, or even an hour ago.

Because sometimes you just need to revel in the cynicism. Revel, roll and laugh with the cynicism, it’s an old friend who’s come to visit who encourages you to drink too much Vodka. He’s the kind of friend who is fantastic in short doses. But my God, don’t you just have so much fun together?!

You roll your eyes at couples holding hands and groan when you hear about another engagement, Because honestly, the cynics are  always the funniest, and most honest. Truly they are!

You spend your days plugging away at being a decent person, hoping and doing all you can to get the Life, get it all, and getting it looking the way you want.

But sometimes it just seems impossible and difficult and you just want to switch it all off and watch a movie.

And then your old friend cynic pours you a delicious glass of wine, lights you a cigarette and tells you to just relax. He has to be going now, and yes he’ll come and visit again sometime. He doesn’t know when, he’ll just show up whenever he feels like it. And you say that’s OK because you’ve never had so much fun.

Jecc xx

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