He Tastes Like You, Only Sweeter

July 19, 2010

I had my leaving party on Friday night, and for some reason I drank WAY too much, I think I’m possibly internally freaking the FUCK OUT!

But it was a fun night, all of my favorites were there, we danced and laughed and Mum made drunken snack food for all of us at 1am, Mum’s are the best!

The only glitch was a fight with one of my best dude friends (more of a disagreement actually), we have been friends since we were 15 and he’s recently engaged. He has completely fallen off the radar. Completely. Which has made me feel unloved and neglected by him. Believe me when I say, I DON”T want him for myself, I just want him to be happy, truly I do…but I question his happiness, I know I shouldn’t and I should just take it for what it’s worth and leave it be. But, me being me decided to call him out on his bullshit friend behavior (why not poke the Bees nest? Idiot!)

He thought I was unreasonable and didn’t understand ONE bit where I was coming from, like I was some stranger who had NO right to say these things to him, he was all condescending and snobby and rude, not the person I remember.  It  ended with me walking away in tears and him leaving, and giving me the shittiest most unloving hug I have ever received…like he was going to see me tomorrow, like I’m not leaving for a long time.

I’m trying so so hard to not fall to pieces over this and just accept that I cannot change other people’s behavior, only my own, but sometimes you just want to SHAKE people, you know what I mean? Shake them and go WAKE UP you fucking moron!!

I just don’t know, I’m at such a loss over this, I think I just need to let it go, people change and sometimes I think you just need to let them go. It’s very hard but I think it’s for the best.

Let it go.

Sigh.

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